The Laws of Life

A little humor for Friday.

THE LAWS OF LIFE

* Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you’ll have to pee.

* Law of the Workshop
Any tool, when dropped, will roll or slide to the least accessible location.

* Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

* Law of the Telephone
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

* Law of the Alibi
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

* Variation Law
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

* Law of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

* Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.

* Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.

* Law of Biomechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to your ability to reach and scratch it.

* Law of the Theater
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle will arrive last.

* Law of Coffee
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

* Murphy’s Law of Lockers
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

* Law of Rugs/Carpets
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

* Law of Location
No matter where you go, there you are.

* Law of Logical Argument
Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.

* Brown’s Law
If the shoe fits, it’s ugly.

* Oliver’s Law
A closed mouth gathers no feet.

* Wilson ‘s Law
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it. (this one is true every time!)

* Doctors’ Law
If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to see a doctor, and by the time you get there you’ll feel better. Don’t make an appointment and you’ll remain sick.